NXTSTYLE’s 2020 New Music Guide: Illicit Ghost

“Drunk And Alone”

For me, this song is about a search for inner harmony. It’s about learning to be alone and accepting yourself for who you are. This is such an important thing to do, not only for yourself but for the people around you. I want listeners to know they are not alone in whatever they are going through. You need to be strong in this life, and being ok with yourself is the first step to finding peace. When I was young, teachers would always worry that I was too quiet. But guess what? I just hated talking. I still do. I’d rather talk to my microphone. So fucking what. Be who you are. It took me a long time to learn that.

“Rabbit Hole”

I wrote this one when I was feeling hopeless about myself. I was feeling like I was back at square one, like all of the work I put into making myself better had just got undone – maybe it was from one toxic thought or maybe even from catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror – I can’t remember. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I was feeling fed up with myself, wondering when am I going to actually get better. I work so hard at trying to feel good but will it ever happen? So, I tried to take these feelings and say them out loud, and that actually became the chorus of the song: “Cause I can’t help it / My body aches / For the chill of the rabbit hole / And the burn of control.” This song is about patience, about me trying to find peace with myself and all of my shortcomings.

The music is intended as means for healing and moving forward. There is so much in life that weighs on us, we need to take the time to find our own unique ways of managing and maybe even relieving it. I hope that my music makes people’s minds feel free – ideally, the feeling would be similar to those first few moments of waking up when your mind is clear and your troubles have subsided for a few seconds. I definitely listen to songs by other artists that make me feel that way.

I’ll be putting out my next single in February, it’s called “Wide Open,” so be on the lookout for that. I also have a few artists that I work with and the music that I’ve produced for their projects will also be coming out in 2020. I’m really excited to share all of it.  

I’m loving the track “All Mirrors” on Angel Olsen’s new album. I’ll always be listening to Fiona Apple. “Unpretty” by TLC is another favorite of mine, I think I listen to that song at least once a day.

I would love to work with Alanis Morissette. I’m so excited that she is releasing new music, you have no idea. I screamed out loud when I saw her new track pop up on Spotify. I rarely get excited about anything.

Music is my way of escaping mentally. I love being on stage and performing, I feel like I’m on a different planet. When I’m up there nothing matters. It took me a long time to get to that point but I’m glad I feel this now. I used to be scared of playing even in orchestras and bands when I was growing up because I felt like I was too visible even though I was in a sea of performers. But now, strangely, it feels like the opposite for me. It’s one of the few times in life when I feel I can truly be myself.